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FEATURED SHIRT / SHIRT OF THE WEEK

FUR...SURE IS WARM!
Not only is fur warm and snuggly, it makes great kindling for your fireplace or barbecue! Most importantly, it makes you look cool and that
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FOR THOSE WHO DARE TO WEAR

 

MINIMUM WAGE
Now you can proudly wear this shirt to your measely paying job and let the boss know that you're no loser, you're just not a winner yet..
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ABORTION...MORE ROOM FOR ME!
A must have for everyone who
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CRIME PAYS
It sure does...especially when you
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I WAS GOING TO SEND MONEY TO A STARVING CHILD IN ETHIOPIA...BUT I BOUGHT THIS T-SHIRT INSTEAD.
Does anyone in Ethiopia send you money when YOU
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FUR...SURE IS WARM!
Not only is fur warm and snuggly, it makes great kindling for your fireplace or barbecue! Most importantly, it makes you look cool and that
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HAROLD
There
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HELL...IT
This one is kind of a nice way of describing what hell is like without having to mention the scalding brimstone, unbearable torture, demonic rape and Friends re-runs!
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I ACCELERATE FOR ANIMALS
By accelerating when coming upon a road creature, you show great mercy and compassion instead of driving over the poor animal very slowly, which would hurt him for a long time.
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I
We
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NOBODY KNOWS I'M INVISIBLE
Got the power of invisibility? Nobody knows about it? Want to get the word out? This one's for you brother! Get it before is disappears from our inventory forever. Yes, FOREVER!
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PEEPSHOW MOPBOY
Hey, somebody's gotta do it, and somewhere there's a mother who's proud!
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PLEASE GOD DON'T LET THE PRIEST TOUCH ME AGAIN
Sunday morning mass, bible studies, weddings and funerals
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PROFESSIONAL CHICKEN DEBEAKER
It may be mean and cruel, but nobody wants a beak in their next bucket of KFC.
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READING SUKS!
Do you really want to waste hours upon hours of your life reading some stupid book, when you could just watch the movie in 90 minutes?? This one's a no brainer people!!
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SATAN
Between playing lawn darts with your dead grandmother and planning the world's untimely demise, even the devil has a heart when it comes to little pussies. Who could resist?
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SAVE THE TUNA
Those poor tuna fish are getting eaten by the millions every day, does anybody even care!? Meanwhile dolphins get to do their stupid tricks and swim wherever they want without a care in the world! It's just not right!
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SPEAR THE WHALES!
Isn't it much easier to spear a whale and let it sink to the bottom of the ocean than to waste precious time and taxpayers money to try and save it? Please
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TAX THE HOMELESS
The government takes taxes out of your paycheck! Then you pay tax on almost everything you buy! Then they tax you when you die! How come the homeless get to live tax free?? Wear this shirt and help to put an end to this unbelieveable atrocity!
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THE POPE IS A ROBOT
We all know that the pope has been dead for quite some time now, but for some strange reason millions of people still think he's eating pancakes for breakfast and doing doodie after dinner. Not true. We checked the Pope's original birth certificate which states his birthday as January third, 1842! That would make him 162 years old! We just don't buy it.
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THESE ARE MY GOOD CLOTHES
Dress up nice and pretty in this stylish piece designed by Emanuel Sokovski, one of our top fashion designers here at Tabu. You'll be the envy of everyone at your next formal event. We guarantee it! P.S. Bring a pen to sign autographs
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TWO SMART TO WORK
Waking up early, driving in traffic, having someone tell you what to do all day long. Your salary at the mercy of someone who could care less
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HITMAN FOR HIRE
So you flunked out of highschool, got fired from McDonalds, and 7-11 won't hire you because you aren't Indian. You could become a cop, but that's just too demeaning. Your only alternative....Kill people! Not only is it spiritually rewarding, it's also both fun and profitable!
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AUNT JUDY'S ARMORED TANK INTERIORS
There are so many gay interior design shows on these days, even our soldiers are getting into the act. Don't ask, Don't Tell!
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DRINKING AND DRIVING IS FUN
It's extra fun when the cop lets you go because you have a PBA card, then on your way back to the bar, you run down his mother.
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REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER
Let the neighborhood know you're legal! Not recommended to wear when applying for babysitting jobs or cub scout leader positions. The church will still hire you though.
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GLORY HOLE INSPECTOR
After a rash of horrific accidents in early 1786, the state of California declared that all glory holes must conform to the strict standards set forth in article 46, page 3, section 12:b7. We don't know what the hell that means either, but better to be safe than sorry, just ask George Michael
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HIGH ON CRACK!
Let's face it, Crack ain't cheap, and you have to be smoking it to be wearing a suit and working 9 to 5 every day thinking you are actually getting somewhere in life. You can numb your mind to your miserable reality just as easily by sniffing inexpensive turpentine down behind the donut shop with the rest of the "free spirits"
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I'LL SHOW YOU YOURS IF YOU SHOW ME MINE!
This is what former President Clinton was wearing that fateful night when he ran into that disgusting fat whore Lewinski.
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I LOST 157 POUNDS IN ONE DAY
With all the fad diets going on today, this is the only one that really delivers solid results. Not only will you feel a tremendous weight lifted off of your shoulders, but it will also be a lot quieter around the house while you are trying to watch football.
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I LOVE TO F***
He may look old, but this guys rod is still limber and ready for action!
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I'M DRUNK
Wearing this shirt sure beats trying to explain to strangers why you are wearing your sisters thong at the train station covered in axle grease, spam, and hamster fur.
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MATH GONE WILD
Forget the steroids and countless hours in the gym, everyone knows that calculus teachers are always getting laid, its wild!!!
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OZONE SHMOZONE
Sea level has risen 5 feet in the last 2 years and wiped out Hawaii. Yesterday it was 120 degrees out and you get skin cancer after 14 minutes outside....but who gives a shit as long as you are looking stylish. Spray away!
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SNUFF FILM ACTOR
Bored with all types of sex? Orgies with midget Samoans dressed as maniacal clowns not getting you excited any longer? Let Hollywood know that you have arrived. Just don't expect any paparazzi to be snapping your photos anytime soon.
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SPLEEN FOR SALE!
Rent due? Have some credit card debt? Or just need some quick cash to score a handjob? Sell it today before it gets surgically removed in an unauthorized and unsterile medical procedure by aliens looking to replenish their eco-system.
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STICKY PETE'S FAMISHED TERMITE INFESTATION SERVICE
The perfect last minute gift for all those friends of yours who are always bragging about their expensive hand carved mahogony furniture.
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WHAT'S THE HURRY?
Slow down, relax, light one up and just chill. No rush. You'll get there eventually. At some point. You know what they say... those who are late are much happier than those who are waiting for them!
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COCAINE
Wait, so you mean to tell me you sniff this stuff to get high?? I just thought it was because it smells just like grandma's fresh baked canary pies.
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IT'S WHATS ON THE OUTSIDE THAT COUNTS!
Ever notice that the people that tell you it's what's on the inside are all repulsively fat and ugly?? You do the math, you sexy bastard you........
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IT'S WHATS ON THE OUTSIDE THAT COUNTS
So you are dumber than an earthworm, So what! You have big breasts and a sweet ass, and that can get you all the guys and money you need. White colored shirt perfect for wet t-shirt contests!
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KISS ME
Wear this shirt and people won't be able to keep their lips off of you; including priests, nuns and that old cafeteria lady with the mustache that smells like asparagus.
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MARRIAGE...SURE RUINS A GREAT SEX LIFE!
Before I took that walk down the isle she was letting me violate her in all kinds of filthy ways, now I have carpal tunnel syndrome....don't make the same mistake that I and millions of other horny guys have!
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RETARDS NEVER TELL!
"Shhhhhhh, Johnny, if you don't do exactly as I say, God will kill your parents" These days even this line doesn't work on the smart kids, it's a much safer bet with someone who has a hard time eating peas.
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STOP BREATHING...IM TRYING TO SMOKE.
Tired of all that complaining from that crabby old hag sitting in the church pew behind you with the oxygen tank? Shut her up quick with this beautiful shirt from Tabu. Every moron knows that if god didn't want us to smoke, he wouldn't have invented cigarettes.
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TURN OVER A NEW LEAF
Turn over a new leaf and change your life for the better, after all, it didnt have any negative effects on Ozzy. Not recommended attire for visits to your probation officer.
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VOTE FOR ANARCHY
Once Anarchy breaks out, things will pretty much be the same except the taxes will be lower and you will need a machine gun to defend your toilet paper from roving gangs of looters
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WANNA HOLD MY SNAKE?
This one is perfect to wear when hanging out with nuns, catholic schoolgirls or even your best friend's smelly grandmother! They all love to hold snakes!
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WHO IS GOLDENROD?
The shirt that started it all! If you get spotted wearing this shirt, you could win $10,000!
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I'LL SHOW YOU YOURS IF YOU SHOW ME MINE
This is what that disgusting fat whore Lewinski was wearing that fateful night when she ran into former President Bill Clinton.
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MEN COME AND GO BUT DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER
Girls, what is more important? Having a caring man to shower you with love and affection, only to turn around and bang your sister while you are at cheerleading practice, or an expensive shiny ring that you can always hock for tampon money when times get tough?
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STOP UNDRESSING ME WITH YOUR EYES
Let everyone know that you are easy and want to be touched all over like a bad little girl.
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WHO IS GOLDENROD?
The shirt that started it all! If you get spotted wearing this shirt, you could win $10,000! White Color Perfect for wet T-Shirt contests!!!
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NOBODY KNOWS I'M INVISIBLE
Got the power of invisibility? Nobody knows about it? Want to get the word out? This one's for you sister! Get it before is disappears from our inventory forever. Yes, FOREVER!
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READING SUKS!
Do you really want to waste hours upon hours of your life reading some stupid book, when you could just watch the movie in 90 minutes?? This one's a no brainer people!
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BEARS MAKE GREAT RUGS
One shot and you could have yourself a brand new beautiful fuzzy rug for your bathroom floor just like Burt Reynolds does. Nobody likes to walk on a cold floor with wet feet!
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INSULTS $1.00
Rude, sarcastic, inconsiderate and just plain mean? Does this sound like anyone you know? Well, you might as well start charging people for it, they all hate you anyway!
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NERVOUS NICK'S LANDMINE PLACEMENT AND ACTIVATION COMPANY
Neighborhood kids cutting through your backyard? Rabbits and squirrels chewing up your garden? Neighbor's dog crapping on your sidewalk? Let Nervous Nick blast away your troubles in a jiffy! Call Today! Fully Insured!
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